Rage

dear God…

please forgive me for not being myself lately.

for I become a monster for my own daughter…a complete stranger for my husband…a total rebel to you…

dear God…

how can I channel these rage I feel inside, without hurting others?

I hate what is going on around me now, but I hate myself even more.

this is my fault, not theirs.

please let me take the charge of it alone.

please don’t let them drifted away with me.

dear God…

if there’s someone should be blamed, let it be me.

if there’s someone should be hurt, let it be myself alone.

and if there’s someone who should sacrifice, I think I deserve to do that.

just please...please...please...don’t let my loved-ones hurt…

I couldn’t bare the pain to see them suffer.

thanks God...

amien.

(suatu pagi di Geulis - Bandung)